Stress Free Birthday Parties

I've noticed a trend in the birthday parties my daughter has been invited to lately... scaled back parties with lots of free play. One was held at a local school playground. Kids played and then had some cake and ice cream. Another was an informal gathering at the beach. If you've read this blog for a while, you know I love this shift. All kids want to do, after all, is have fun playing with their friends. Doing that outside, whenever possible, is even better.

Here's a quick recap of the party we recently hosted:

1. My daughter invited 5 friends. (4 were able to attend).
2. Invitations asked them to bring their bikes and helmets if it was sunny and dress-up clothes if it was raining. The day started rainy but clearer skies were predicted, so most of the girls came prepared for both. 
3. They started out playing dress-up. 
4. They had a light lunch of quesadillas, fruit salad, and veggie sticks.
5. They played more dress up. 
6. They had cake and ice cream and opened presents.
7. They combined their two activities and rode bikes while dressed up.

Doesn't everyone ride bikes in a tu-tu?

Because this party was small- my daughter only invited her closest friends- it was a stress-free party for me to run. The girls arrived and just stated playing. All I had to do was provide lunch and cake and ice cream. Of course, lunch wasn't even necessary- we could have planned this party for after the lunch hour. We just happen to like to cook, so serving lunch was fun for us. If you hate cooking, skip it!

If you like this idea but still aren't convinced, read these earlier posts for suggestions.

Free Play and Birthday Parties Describes a party for a 10 year old boy.
Loose Parts Play, Part 2 Includes my "Top Ten List" for planning this kind of party.
Loose Parts Play, Part 3 Offers specific suggestions for families who don't have a yard or live in a small apartment.

What do you think? Will you embrace this idea? Are there other hurdles you can think of that I didn't address in this or earlier posts?

Free Play and Birthday Parties

My son turned ten a couple of weeks ago. For several years now, his idea of a great birthday party has been to ask his friends to bring their bikes so they can ride and play together. As they got older, they added simple ramps to their riding to make things even more fun.

When I asked him what he wanted to do for his party this year, I expected the same plan. Instead he replied, "I'm not sure, yet." I told him to think about  it and let me know. When I asked him a few days later if he had decided, he asked, "Can we build a fort in the woods?" I'm sure you know my response... "Of course!"

His invitation simply told kids to be prepared for "fort building in the woods and cake on the porch. Rainy day plan is LEGO's inside." The invitation also said the party would go from 1-3:30 if it rained and 1-4:30 if it were nice.

I'm sure many of you are feeling concerned about hosting a birthday party for a ten-year-old at your house. More and more parties in our area are held in venues that specialize in hosting birthday parties. Places such as arcades, bowling allies, and gymnasiums all offer highly structured programs that include some form of activity followed by pizza and drinks followed by cake and ice cream (or something similar). I understand the draw- the venue handles all of the planning and execution of the party. And, you don't have to clean up afterwards!

But here's what I've found. Planning a party like my son's takes almost no planning on my part. That's the best part- he gets his friends here and they decide what to do together.

On the day of his party it was raining, so we moved the furniture back in our living room to create an open area for LEGO building. Then we brought his bin of LEGOs downstairs. We laid out everything to serve the cake and ice cream and that was it. That was the entire preparation for the party. (My son no longer wants to hang decorations, so that was left off the usual "to do" list).

Including my two kids, we had a total of ten children here. My son only invited his closest school friends and some special family friends. I know it's hard to resist the now common practice of inviting your child's whole class, but that really isn't necessary.

So the day started with ten kids in our living room building with LEGOS. As the rain let up to a light mist, my son asked if they could go outside. He was just busting to build that fort with his friends! Most of the rest of the party was spent building "Fort Awesome" which was later renamed to "Fort Not-Awesome" when it collapsed. But the boys weren't even remotely discouraged- they were smiling, happy, and excited about their "work" together! I don't know exactly what they did or how they worked because we grown-ups just stayed out of it. My husband and one other dad checked in on them a couple of times, but we left them to do what they wanted. I later heard of one 10 year old praising the 5 year old and 6 year old for their "Awesome job" dragging logs closer to the fort. The team work was apparently amazing and we (the grown ups, that is) had nothing to do with it!

Once the fort building found a natural ending point, they had cake and ice cream (inside since it was too cold on the porch). Then my son opened his gifts and they went back to playing with LEGOs for the last half hour or so.

It was a wonderful day. My son had a blast. The adults were relaxed. And clean up was easy.

If you're still skeptical about planning this sort of party for your children, I hope you'll read these earlier posts to see my planning suggestions.

Loose Parts Play Introduces the idea of this kind of party and provides resources for sharing nature with children.
Loose Parts Play, Part 2  Includes my "Top 10 List" for party planning.
Loose Parts Play, Part 3 Offer specific advice for folks who don't have a yard or live in a small apartment.

Have you planned this kind of part or playdate for your children? How did it go? Do you have any suggestions to add to mine?

Loose Parts Play, Part 3

A few weeks ago, I blogged about the value of having open-ended or "loose parts" birthday parties instead of highly orchestrated ones. Then I offered practical tips for how to plan such an outside party. Today, I'll focus on what to do in times of inclement weather.

You loved the idea of loose parts parties, right? But, you say, "I live in a two bedroom walk-up" (or other small space). Or, "I can't possibly fit all of those kids in my house." Or, "What will I do if it rains (or snows, or...)?" The key is planning. Even if you plan well for an outside party, things happen to make it move indoors. If you’ve planned well for an outside party, however, only a few adjustments on the day of the party will be necessary.

Here are my top 5 tips for planning an indoor "loose parts" party.
1. The most important one. (You'll remember this from my last post). Keep the guest list short.
2. Locate places to host your party. Reserve them in advance, if needed. If the weather is good, you can skip the reservation (just give a courtesy call to let folks know you’re not coming). Here are some places you may not have considered:
• your garage
• your unfinished (relatively clean) basement
• the community room at your local library (usually it's free and all you need to do is sign up in advance)
• the community room at your local church, synagogue, or mosque
• the gymnasium or other open classroom in your child's school (Public schools generally let community members lease space for a couple of hours. There may be a small fee attached, but as long as it falls outside of school hours and during hours when the custodial staff is working, you should be able to reserve a space.)
• The community room at your local YMCA, Boys and Girls Club, etc. Again, a fee may be
involved, but it's still cheaper than paying for an organized party at a typical party location.
• A gazebo in a state park (often requires reservations)
3. Still provide those healthy snacks mentioned Loose Parts, part 2.
4. Provide lots of loose parts. Some examples:
• Random empty boxes from cereal/ shoes/ crackers, paper tubes, egg cartons, large appliance boxes (try appliance stores for these)
• Adhesives such as glue, tape (scotch, double-sided, masking, duct)
• String, elastics
• Balloons (Be careful of latex allergies).
• Markers, crayons, pens, pencils
• Paint and brushes - if you’re adventurous! Use old T-shirts as smocks.
• Scissors
• Old CD’s (they make cool wheels!)
• In a pinch, you could also put out a bucket/bin of random building toys such as legos, K’nex, Lincoln logs, etc.
• Or, in the original invitation, you could tell parents that in case of rain you’ll be having a
“Dress-up Party” and ask them to bring items for dress-up. (This tends to work better for young children ages 3-5 or older girls). Some families have special “dress-up” clothes; others may choose to bring items from their own closets. Sharing makes it fun.
5. Set the kids up and let them go! Stay nearby and keep your eyes on them in case you’re needed, but don’t get involved in the play- they’ll usually be more creative. Have fun! And maybe write down some of the funny conversations that are bound to come up.

Have you planned a "loose parts" party for your child? What did you do? Do you have any suggestions?

Loose Parts Play, Part 2

A couple of weeks ago, I wrote about the value of open-ended birthday parties and playdates. In that post, I promised to offer practical suggestions for parents who'd like to try planning one.

Here's my top 10 list for planning a "loose parts" party or playdate.

1. Keep the guest list short. Many experts recommend matching the child's age to the number of children invited. (For example, a child turning 4 invites 4 friends).
2. Encourage your child to invite friends with similar interests.
3. Set a clear end-time for the party or playdate and keep it short. If the kids are playing well, you can always extend it or make plans for another playdate. If your kids have typically participated in highly organized forms of play such as video games or organized sports, they'll need a little practice with open-ended play. Better to have a short successful playdate with the kids asking for more time than a bunch of kids standing around bored.
4. Plan around meals and naps (if the kids are young) to keep it simpler. For example, meet from 10 to 11:30 for little kids or 1 to 2:30 for older ones.
5. Provide open space for playing. Possible locations: your back yard (if you have one), a local park, a state park, your child's schoolyard, or a public beach.
6. Plan for the weather. Advise parents in advance that the party will be outside so they can dress their children appropriately and bring a change of clothes, if needed. Depending upon where you live and the time of year, this may include: applying sunscreen or bug spray, wearing hats, mittens, sunglasses and proper footwear (e.g. sneakers or other sturdy footwear, not flip flops), or dressing warmly.
7. Don't automatically move the party inside if it rains or snows. Summer rains are warm and fun for kids. Kids love playing in the snow.
8. Resist the urge to plan games or other organized activities. Rather, provide a bunch of "loose parts" and let them go. (In more natural areas that are not manicured, nature provides all the loose parts they'll need). Examples of loose parts for natural play (taken from Louv): trees, bushes, flowers, sticks, long grasses, rocks, sand, a pond with creatures in it.
9. Provide lots of drinking water and healthy snacks such as cut up fruit, whole grain crackers and cheese, veggies and dip (hummus is big with my kids and their friends). Avoid high sugar drinks and snacks.
10. Have a contingency plan in case the weather is too awful. Many state parks have gazebos or other structures where you can take shelter in inclement weather. Some require reservations, so call ahead. For more suggestions regarding what to do in case of inclement weather, come back next week for "Loose Parts Play, part 3."

Loose Parts Play

"Nature is imperfectly perfect, filled with loose parts and possibilities, with mud and dust, nettles and sky, transcendent hands-on moments and skinned knees."

~Richard Louv, Last Child in the Woods, 2005

We celebrated my son's 8th birthday last week. He had invited a few close friends and their siblings to bring their bicycles and play outside.
The invitation read: "Please bring your bicycle and helmet and dress appropriately. Unless the weather is terrible, we’ll be outside the whole time. (Lunch in the porch). We’ll serve a light lunch of tortilla pizzas, salad, and fruit, with cake and ice cream for dessert, of course!"

Lucky for us, the weather was beautiful- sunny and about 70 degrees just two days into April. Even last year, however, when there was a light drizzle, the kids played outside for short periods of time. Later, they came inside for an extended Legos session when they got too cold.

I know many parents worry about having no plan for their children's parties- no games or activities organized by the adults. What will they do with all of those kids? The funny thing is, when given the opportunity, kids will make their own fun. And that's exactly what happened here last Friday. They rode their bikes up and down our dirt driveway, making sure to go straight through the mudpuddles left by the previous days' flooding. They invented games with one girl as the mother, and two other kids as her children. They collected random sticks, containers, dog leashes, and cardboard boxes to construct an elaborate scenario I don't pretend to comprehend. They played for hours, only coming inside to use the facilites or wash up before eating. When the planned end-time for the party arrrived, I invited the moms present to let their children play longer if they wanted. Everyone was having so much fun.


While rereading Last Child in the Woods by Richard Louv, I was thinking about the party. Louv writes about the value of extended, uninterrupted outside play and exploration. As part of his argument for more free play in nature, he shares the loose-parts theory proposed by Simon Nicholson. Nicholson describes his theory like this: "In any environment, both the degree of inventiveness and creativity, and the possibility of discovery, are directly proportional to the number and kind of variables in it." (Nicholson quoted in Louv, 2005) Nicholson further explains a "loose-parts" toy as open-ended, meaning that "children may use it in many ways and combine it with other loose parts through imagination and creativity." (Louv, 2005)

There are many reasons a family might choose to have a birthday party in a public facility such as an arcade, bowling alley, or indoor playground: no yard, too much mess post party, not enough time to plan/organize the party, too many kids to fit in the house, or the birthday falls during the winter months (or monsoon, or tornado season...) These are certainly all obstacles to planning such a party. I'd suggest, however, that many of those obstacles can be overcome with a little creative thinking. I'd further suggest that the whole process will be far more enjoyable for you and your child.

I know my family is lucky to live in the country and have a yard and porch. Many of you reading this may not have such resources. I haven't forgotten you. My years of experience both in an elementary classroom and as an educational consultant prepared me to consider all different kinds of familes in all different kinds of situations with very different kinds of needs. My educational background also provided me with tools to imagine different ways of doing things.
Over the next few weeks, I'll share my suggestions for planning a more open-ended birthday party or playdate. If you have specific questions, please comment and I'll try to address them in a future post. And, if you have suggestions, please share them, as well.


In the meantime, if you want to learn more about why nature experiences are so important to childrens' development, I highly recommend reading Last Child in the Woods by Richard Louv. You can also visit, The Children and Nature Network.



For practical examples of what to do with kids in nature, try these books:

1. Sharing Nature With Children by Joseph Cornell (The first nature resource I used as a Naturalist at Cape Outdoor Discovery.)


2. The Green Hour by Todd Christopher 


3. Nature's Playground by Fiona Danks and Jo Schofield (for my readers in the UK... there's both a UK version and a US version).


4. The Sense of Wonder by Rachel Carson (for inspiration)

Finally, try the Nature Rocks website for specific ideas for getting out in nature.