Parents: Make Time for Yourself

Today's post doesn't offer ideas for things to do with kids. Today's post is for parents.

What will you do to take care of yourself today? 

If you're a homeschooler or stay-at-home parent of pre-schoolers, you spend lots of time with your kids. Likely all day. How do you take care of yourself? How do you make sure your own needs are met? It's easy to focus all of your time and energy on your children. But don't forget about yourself and your adult relationships.

I experienced a glimpse of this when we returned from our vacation this summer. After three full weeks of being with my kids-literally 24/7- I felt my patience running low. I was short with my kids when I wouldn't normally be. I got the message. My husband and I asked one of the grandparents to babysit and we went to dinner together. Alone. Just the two of us. I also made plans for a playdate so my kids could play with other kids and I could talk with the other mom. My patience returned.

If you have young kids returning to school for the first time, perhaps you're feeling a little blue now that they're gone- the empty house issue. Especially if you're a stay at home parent, this transition can be challenging for some. Sure, you have more freedom in how you spend your days, but you may miss your kids. Even if you're excited to be back in a regular routine and able to get all of those things done that had to wait when the kids were around, you may find yourself feeling disoriented or off-balance somehow. My kids started school on Tuesday, but it didn't hit me until yesterday. On Tuesday I was totally driven- I had a list of writing tasks I wanted to do and I plowed through them. I ended the day feeling great. But then, come Thursday, I was in a bit of  a funk- wandering around the house, unfocused, missing them.

So what did I do? I packed up my laptop and headed to my favorite local coffee shop. I grabbed a cup of coffee, sat down and got to work on this post. This strategy works for me for two reasons. 1. I don't frequent the shop with my kids so I don't think about them. 2. It gets me out of my house away from my household "To Do" list and into a place where I know I can be productive. When I work toward my writing goals I feel better.

And what about working parents? The same applies. You should find ways to take care of yourself, too. It might be hard to do, but please find the time. For you, taking care of yourself might be the reverse of the sty-at-home parent. I know this is true for my husband. When he gets home from work he just wants to hang out with our kids- hear about their day, read to them, play outside. Whatever. But he also plays soccer several times a week, as well. That's what works for him. How about you?


Taking time for yourself doesn't mean you don't love your kids or want to be with them. Rather, taking care of yourself is also taking care of your kids. You can't be a good parent/partner/husband/wife if you don't take care of yourself and your adult relationships. Figure out what you need and make sure you get it. Take a walk. Soak in the tub. Read a book. Paint. Lay in the grass and watch the clouds go by. Figure out what you need and make time for it in your week.

 And, so, I return to my initial question. What will you do to take care of yourself today?

Related Posts:
Stress Therapy: Get Back to Nature 

Wordless Wednesday: Zinnia

Photo taken 25 August 2012

No Water? No Baths? Wrong!

Today features guest blogger Darcy Pattison.

The key feature of a desert is its lack of water. But how do animals stay clean? They still need to get rid of dirt, germs, bugs and parasites.

This story began for me on the Continental Divide, the line of ranges that divide the Rocky Mountains watersheds into those that flow toward the Mississippi River and those that flow toward the Pacific Ocean. Standing on the back porch of my childhood home, the Continental Divide was a mere half mile north and was our playground. Regina, New Mexico lays at about 6000 foot elevation, 100 miles north of Albuquerque. Scrub brush fills this high desert area.

My father ran cattle, but he leased national forest lands to fatten up the spring calves and rounded them up for the sale ring before winter storms hit. Our most important asset was water rights to the Hatch Lake, which allowed some irrigation of fields and planting of some grasses.

I remember playing with horny toads, building corrals for them from scrap bits of wood. They always escaped, of course. It was a dry climate, with dusty roads, rare days of rain, and harsh winters.

Fast forward to a couple years ago when I heard about birds who anoint themselves with ants to get rid of parasites. What? This is strange, but true. For over 100 years, naturalists have observed birds that stand on an ant nest and let ants swarm over them. Studies have revealed that birds are allowing ants to carry off parasites. Other birds will locate an ant nest, then pick up an ant in its beak, crush it and use it as a washrag to clean its feathers. Scientists believe the formic acid from the ant acts as an antiseptic to kill and discourage parasites.

When I learned of this anointing behavior, I remembered the dry landscape of my childhood. I wondered what were some other ways that animals stayed clean? After a lot of research and multiple drafts, the result was Desert Baths, a companion book to my first nature book, Prairie Storms.

For both books, I wanted to do more than just talk about a species. Instead, I wanted to add an extra layer of information, while still keeping the story fun to read. For Prairie Storms, the extra layer was the variety of storms throughout a year. For Desert Baths, the extra layer is animal hygiene.

 Take a peek at Desert Baths:

And Prairie Storms

Here are some possible discussion questions to share with your children after reading Desert Baths. 

1. Is regular hygiene easy or hard for you? 
2. Do you need to be reminded to brush your teeth? 
3. Do you resist baths? 
4. How would it affect your health if you didn't bathe and clean yourself regularly? 

Published in eight languages, children’s book author and writing teacher Darcy Pattison is the author of picture books and novels. Her three nature books include Prairie Storms (Sylvan Dell), Desert Baths (Sylvan Dell) and Wisdom, the Midway Albatross: Surviving the Japanese Tsunami and Other Disasters for over 60 Years (Mims House). For more, see her website.

Wordless Wednesday: St. Peter's Basilica

Photo taken 9 July 2012

Family Roots, Part 2

In July, I blogged about finding documentation of my kids' great-grandparents' marriage (in 1895) when we were on Salina, Italy.

On Saturday, we enjoyed the next stage of all of the family research: we hosted a Cusolito family reunion. Everyone who attended the party was a descendant (or a spouse) of my husband's grandparents (with 2 exceptions I'll describe later). The total number invited was 111, though roughly 85 attended. Many of us have never met each other or have seen each other so infrequently that we don't remember each others' names. Spending time together under the same tent, looking at photos, sharing stories, and debating who really was "Gram's Favorite" was wonderful, despite the pouring rain.

My daughter w/ Carolyn's Family Tree

My Father-In-Law created a 13 foot family tree that listed every family member from his parents on down. It's quite impressive! What really blew us away, however, was when Carolyn Cusolito Tavares and her husband arrived with the tree she created. This huge tree was made possible when we secured the records from Salina and thereby confirmed that she is related to us. Without making this too complicated by using a bunch of names, her great, great-grandfather was the brother of my Father-in-law's, great-grandfather. Can you imagine? Now that Carolyn combined our family trees, we have names and dates going back to 1811.

None of this would have happened without lots of hard work and research by Carolyn, my Father-In-law, and others. But one detail I also hold onto is that the final puzzle pieces were put together after we visited the family's homeland. Travel opens up whole new worlds no matter where you go, but this particular trip to Salina opened up our family.

One aside, especially for my readers whose families were formed through adoption: The Cusolito family tree includes families created through adoption. Each of these family members are listed among the families created through birth. Our tree is not only a "biological" tree. The way I look at it is this.... if not for the marriage of Lorenzo and Maria Guiseppa back on Salina in 1895, none of these families would exist. Our family grew from the love of those two people and so on down the line. I've talked about it often with my friend Alison (of They're All My Own). She feels the same way- she feels 100 percent a part of her parent's family tree even though they are not related by biology. That said, family tree assignments in schools can be hurtful and each family needs to find their own way when it comes to family trees and adoption. One metaphor you might consider is a family tree created through "grafting." Grafting is a process by which the branch of one fruit tree is attached to the branch of a different variety of fruit. My parents have a Bosc pear tree that grows Asian pears on the one grafted branch. I love this image.

Related Posts:
Family Roots
Adoption Intensity

A couple of weeks ago I served Federal Jury duty in Boston. Each afternoon, on my way back to the commuter rail, I'd walk through the new Rose F. Kennedy Greenway. It's a lovely patch of green running where an ugly, elevated highway used to be. At the end of the Greenway, nearest South Station, I was pleasantly surprised to find an organic vegetable garden, pollinator garden, and demonstration area- all focused on "providing an educational playground for sustainable, urban, gardening practices." There's also an area for urban composting and a large table for running demonstrations. I encourage everyone to try their hand at gardening in some form, so I think this built in education space for urban farmers is fantastic. (Read my suggestions for Gardening Without a Yard). One other great aspect- the food grown is donated to a local non-profit- Lovin' Spoonfuls- to be distributed to people in need.

The area also features a lively farmer's market each Tuesday afternoon along with a variety of food trucks offering everything from chickpea fritters to Vietnamese noodles. During the lunch hour, people gather on the lawn, at the variety of tables placed throughout, or around the large demonstration table to eat their lunch. I had a lovely, spontaneous conversation with a fellow diner and noticed others doing the same later on. Much of our conversation was about the veggies growing nearby and the composting demonstration being offered later in the week. Gardens provide natural gathering places. The addition of food trucks only facilitates the process.

Are you and urban gardener? How's it going? Do you know of resources for urban gardeners in your area? Please share them so others might benefit.

You might also like:
Gardening Without a Yard
Three (or Four) Season Harvests
A Passion for Pesto
Confessions of a Passive Gardener

Wordless Wednesday: Grasshopper

Photo taken 7 July 2012